"I Got A Sock With Your Name On It" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
This was the first song I wrote. There were a few other songs I was working on, but this was the big hit. It started at my parents cabin, I happened to be paging thru the classic bathroom dirty magazine when I came upon a Dirty Sock award. The next morning, all hung over, I suggested to my friend Jenny that I had a sock with her name on it. Within a few weeks, I had the song. I had 2 endings to the song, but everyone liked the twist ending, it got the most laughs. If you don't know what this song is about, it's about using a sock to masturbate with.

"Spank Me" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
I wouldn't be a good "Pub Player" if I didn't invent a spank song. This song is about a sassy girl that likes to be spanked, only the guy she's with starts getting into it, and has a spanking fit. Of course the ending of the song has a twist.

"Does God Have A Penis" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
I have no clue where I came up with this, I think I was in a religion bashing mood. I started coming up with funny ideas of how you'd compare GOD's member (if he has one) to objects like a redwood tree, or boa snake. Most religious bashers will find this "laugh out loud" funny. Die hard Catholics are probably planning my beheading.

"Pub Flies" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
This song is an idea that I got from Key West. It's about a bunch of bar flies, and the audience has to complete the ending to certain verses. A few cute ideas and surprises in this song.

"Masturbation" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
What comedy guitar act is without a song about shaggin the hedgehog or petting the kitty. I even have a little interactive dance to go with it.

"Caribbean Lazy" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
Probably my most difficult song to play, it breaks a few of my song pub playing rules. It's a serious song, and I actually came up with some unique chords for this song. I liked the tune, and I find that it's a song that you will hum when you go to sleep that night. It's about lazy days in the Caribbean, kicking back with a loved one in a hammock enjoying the warmth of the sun, and the cold of a Corona, next to the sea.

"Yesterdays Tomorrow" © 2002 Bret Unplugged
A serious song (one of the few), about how you really don't know what your place is on this earth, and how life seems to constantly challenge you.

"Down At The Bistro" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
I really like the term "bistro". Buffett used it, and this term has really gained popularity in town. I decided I had to sing about a greasy spoon food joint, called The Bistro. Of course after my CD release, I came to realize, this was my worse song ever, everyone I know hates it.

"Barnacle Song" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
I rewrote a poem I wrote originally to my wife for our wedding day called Barnacle Song. It's about the sound a sailboat makes when it's rustling thru water. It's the song of the Barnacles, how they sing with the boat is moving fast. This is a phrase I coined years ago sailing around in my little boat, I called it Barnacle Song when the boat made the rustling water sound.

"Hold My Penis" © 2003 Bret Unplugged / Molly Mc
Wrote this one laying in bed, hung over, talking about the guys only really true need in this world.

"Kittens" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
Started out as the song, "titties and kitties", which will be down the line, this song is about my girls at the Country USA music fest, these girls were 18-21, all perky lovely girls, that thought I was the man that weekend, came over every day and cleaned me out of beads, showing me everything they got. I love my little kittens!

"Come What May" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
Originally called "a cowboy down on his luck", this is my first and probably last try at a country song (country sucks). Fun little song, serious singing, but a little subtle humor about how country music is about losing your wife, dog, truck, etc.

"Francois" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
I originally wrote this song to rip on the french for their lack of involvement in the war, but for some reason, I realized that some french may want to fight with us, and it's simply the weak kneed, inbred, politicians are making the calls. I started listing everything I could think of french, and combined my Francois character from Vball into this cute little French song, "oh ho ho".

"Peanut Butter and Her Pooch" © 2003 Bret Unplugged / Molly Mc
Along with the old legend of the girl, the peanut butter, and her naked calling for her dog, only to startled by all her friends attending a surprise party. I changed the storyline and made it suggestive, but not obvious, only the pervs will get it.

"Whine With My Cheese" © 2003 Bret Unplugged
An inspiring open jam guitarist friend Vicky was discussing writing songs, I told her I'd give her a chorus and she had to write a song. I in turn would write one and we'd perform our own versions of the song. Well, I did my part, she never did finish hers. She suggested a song about people whining about things. I came up with "don't want no whine with my cheese". The song is ripping on the whiners, the ones that deserve what they got, but whine about it.